It’s been that kind of week. I spent hours at the dealership waiting for them to fix a mystery problem with my car. They weren’t sure how long it was going to take, so I didn’t ask for the shuttle to take me home - I just sat in the waiting room kicking myself for wasting the day. Then I spent more hours at the pediatrician’s office. She gave us advice that was clearly wrong, and frankly, kind of dumb, but I didn’t speak up so my daughter still has a cough. This week, I committed to too many things - most of which I didn’t really want to do at all. I ran around like a crazy person to ballet classes, swimming lessons, and basketball practices. Is it mandatory that all youth sports be devoid of communication or organization?! I scrambled to feed dinner guests because I was too proud to admit that it’s been a tough week and just order Chinese food. I didn’t eat very well. I didn’t get enough sleep. I didn’t meditate. I slipped so easily into old habits of nurturing everyone except myself. My body warned me to slow down, but I was too busy to listen. Sigh.
Your inner wisdom lies underneath all the thoughts of distraction and self-doubt and fear. It is calm and peaceful. When you find it, you know it’s right because you feel it in your bones. It sometimes pops up as intuition to tell you what’s right for you. When your actions are out of alignment with our own highest good, your inner wisdom let’s you know it with a sense of unease and often though physical discomfort.
Feeling tired? Anxious? Pain? Your wisdom is trying to speak to you.
The first time I learned to listen to my inner voice was the hardest. By my mid-thirties, I had been so conditioned to ignore my own thoughts and feelings. I was quick to second-guess myself and quicker to put other people’s thoughts and feelings above my own. I learned not to rock the boat. Not to ruffle any feathers. First I learned not to eat when I was hungry. And then not to stop eating when my body told me I was full. A thousand times, I didn’t speak up for myself. My inner mean girl got really loud and really fucking mean. And my inner wisdom got quieter and quieter until I actually forgot it was there. Finding it again was a long road.
What kind of relationship do you have with your inner wisdom? To get better acquainted, spend some time together. Make space for your inner wisdom to speak to you through writing or meditation, yoga or quiet time out in nature - whatever speaks to you. Making quiet introspection a daily ritual is incredibly powerful. It was certainly life changing for me.
Another piece of hearing and honoring your inner wisdom comes from mindfulness. Any time you feel uneasy or like you’re not honoring your own needs, pause. Ask yourself,
“What do I think? How do I feel? Whats right for me?”
When an answer comes, how does it feel? What are your body and intuition telling you? How will your behavior change if you’re honoring your own needs? What would happen (or what did happen) when you find your voice and treat yourself with the kindness, compassion and patience you show others?
So here I sit, with dark circles under my eyes and a sore throat, feeling silly that I didn’t listen to my core self this week. I will keep learning the lessons. And with gratitude, I will do better.
Want to talk more about finding and honoring your inner wisdom? Give me a shout. ~Meg